Treading Water (Forgotten Soldier Book 2) Read online

  “It’s not crazy at all.” Julian ducked his head and found himself staring down at their joined hands. Somehow, without his being aware of it, both of his had wrapped around Shane’s. He should have been mortified to find himself clinging so desperately, but Shane offered. Twice. This man who should have felt like a stranger was giving him something he hadn’t had in so long. Comfort, connection, and the promise that it would be there whenever he reached for it.

  The sob took him completely unaware and Julian honestly didn’t know what he was crying over—Sean’s accident or the first person to touch him with kindness in too many years. Another sob escaped him and Julian instinctively tried to curl into himself. Of course, he knew that he was allowed to cry, but years of having his emotions mocked made the defensive move automatic.

  “Hey.” Strong arms engulfed him and it barely registered that Shane would have had to pull off the highway to do it. Julian knew he should be telling Shane to drive. Sean needed them in Jacksonville and indulging in this breakdown on the side of the highway wasn’t going to get them there. Only, every time he opened his mouth, another sob escaped. And instead of doing what was right for Sean, he allowed himself to be hauled across the bench seat and into the safety of Shane’s embrace. There was no shushing or unrealistic promises just to get him to stop. Shane simply held on, taking the weight that often felt tremendous, and Julian finally let go.

  In that haven, he rode the wave from anger to total despair. Logically, he knew it was an accident—wrong place, wrong time, and all that bullshit—but someone was responsible for putting Sean there. Jared had suggested that it didn’t matter and he was probably right. That didn’t mean Julian couldn’t be angry at them for nearly killing Sean. Just the idea of life without that vibrant, fearless, crazy bastard was devastating. What would he do without his cousin?

  It was that thought that had him trying to scramble back. “We have to go.” Julian needed to see for himself that Sean was alive. “We have to get to Sean.”

  Shane held firm until Julian looked up at him in exasperation. “Yes, Sean needs us to be strong and if you need to take five minutes to work it through, then you take it. You’re no good to him otherwise.”

  “I’m usually better at containing it.”

  “You mean hiding it, don’t you?” That insight left Julian feeling stripped bare and he really didn’t like it. “Here’s the thing, this is not going to be the last breakdown you have today, much less the foreseeable future. Right now, we’re a unit of two and our mission is high risk. We’ll have to work together, communicate, and count on each other if we’re going to succeed. If that means we sit on the side of the road so you can cry, then that’s what we’ll do.

  How could he argue with that logic? He knew firsthand how crippling his emotions could become if he tried to hold them in too long and allowing that to happen would make him useless to both Shane and Sean. “You’re right.”

  “Keep those words handy, you’ll be saying them often.” The cocky grin that accompanied those words seemed to take all the weight out of the conversation. He’d never gone from a complete meltdown to laughing before and wasn’t sure how he felt about Shane handling him so effectively. “Feel better?”

  “Yeah, I think I do.” It was probably a mistake to admit that, but as one half of their unit of two, he wouldn’t undermine their very new partnership with a lie just to save his own pride. Reluctantly, he eased back into his seat and looked around. No matter how welcome Shane’s presence was, the unfamiliar comfort made him feel things that were out of place in the situation and he needed a few minutes to regroup before he made a fool of himself. “There’s a Publix down by the light. We can grab a couple of subs to go so we won’t have to stop again.”

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  As Shane eased into traffic, Julian took stock of himself. When he made the three-and-a-half-hour trek from Key West to Miami that morning, he had no idea how drastically life was about to change. Choosing the farthest point in the country to make his home hadn’t been a whim, it had been self-preservation. Not only because the distance guaranteed no surprise visits, but because everyone there was different. He didn’t stand out for being too gay, too emotional, too something that didn’t fit into the version of normal his family subscribed to.

  Only for Sean would he purposely put himself in the path of relatives—and there was sure to be at least two angry ones milling about the Naval Hospital—and Julian didn’t know what he would do if they tried to follow them back to Key West. The idea of facing them, of having them invade his sanctuary, was terrifying and Julian knew he had to warn Shane before they ran up against the hard wall of their bigotry.

  “You should know that the family isn’t going to be happy to see me. That’s not your problem and I’ll deal with it, but I’m afraid my involvement is going to make things harder.”

  Shane didn’t say anything until they were parked and Julian could see him choosing his words. “I think we can both assume that Sean has no secrets from either of us. As for the family, well, Sean’s a grown man who has a spinal injury, not a head injury. He’s perfectly capable of making his own decisions and I’ll enforce them until he can do his own ass kicking. If that means running interference so they don’t make this situation more difficult, then I will. Their behavior reflects on them, not you, so don’t try to take the blame for something you didn’t do.”

  “Who the hell are you?” Julian whispered, but Shane was already out of the truck and walking toward the store.

  If this kept up, Julian was going to do something stupid, like fall for his fantasy man.

  Chapter 5

  Shane

  “It’s about fucking time!” The booming voice greeted them before they’d even set foot in Sean’s room. With the curtain open on the glass wall, he could see them as they got off the elevator and his reaction was typical Sean—hands and curses flying at will. “Where the hell have you two been? Did I need to send up a fucking bat signal or something?”

  The vulgar rant was drawing a few raised eyebrows, but Shane was too encouraged to care. After their side trip to Publix, Julian read the entire package of information from cover to cover and looked up anything they didn’t understand on his phone. Neither were doctors, but they both felt better about Sean’s prognosis and seeing that attitude in full form was a relief. There was still a long road ahead of them and he would never again be one hundred percent, but Sean was used to hard work and pushing his body to the limit. With the grit to back it up, there wasn’t any obvious reason why Sean wouldn’t destroy it in rehab.

  Julian glanced at him and rolled his eyes. Did either of them really expect Sean to be simpering in his hospital bed? “We had to stop to take selfies at the Fountain of Youth. You know I can never pass that place up.”

  “Don’t forget our quick detour to check out the Atlantis Exhibit at Kennedy Space Center,” Shane teased as he came around the other side of Sean’s bed. “Have you been? That shit’s bad ass.”

  “You’re an ass. Both of you.” Sean glared at each of them in turn before grinning widely. “Can we go when you spring me from this torture chamber? They’ve been holding me captive forever.”

  “Forever, huh?” Julian shook his head and did some glaring of his own. “Sean, why didn’t you call us? I mean, obviously, your mouth isn’t broken.”

  “Did you just make a joke about my accident?” Looking positively scandalized, Sean gasped and held a hand to his chest. “I’m so proud.”

  Cheeks flaming, Julian ducked his head and grumbled, “Now who’s the ass?”

  “Aww, come here.” As Julian cautiously crawled into Sean’s widespread arms, Shane took a minute to really study his friend.

  Other than looking a little pale, which was to be expected, there was little to indicate that there was anything physically wrong. He was still a powerhouse of muscles and while the bed was inclined, he obviously wasn’t relying on it to keep himself upright. There wasn’t even an abun
dance of medical equipment in the room, which seemed strange given the circumstances.

  Surprised and a little concerned that he was refusing to see the problem because he didn’t want to, Shane said, “You look really good, Sean.”

  “Better than you were expecting, huh? Yeah, I get it.” With Julian tucked around him, Sean settled back and smiled smugly. Shane was alternately pleased by that smile and uncharacteristically disturbed to see Julian in someone else’s arms. “Turns out I have little patience for hospitals, doctors, and anyone who wants to stick a needle in my arm. So, I’ve been complying with my captive’s orders and wouldn’t you know it, I feel pretty good. The legs aren’t a complete loss yet. They don’t respond when I want them to move, but I can feel when they’re touched.”

  After all the research Jared’s team provided, they knew it wasn’t a guarantee that Sean would be able to walk again. Still, it was another mark in the plus column. “And your back?”

  “Hurt like a motherfucker for days and that poison they promised would dull the pain made me puke. Took a few tries before they found something that wouldn’t make me sick and by then, I was managing so I’m hoping to cut them off entirely.” Sean’s gaze shifted away, a sure indication that he wasn’t being entirely truthful. “It’s like a dull throb now, but I don’t want to crawl in a hole and die anymore.”

  Even if he hadn’t seen it, Shane wouldn’t have believed him. “Because you’re compartmentalizing it? Sean, for fuck’s sake, this isn’t like torture training! It’s barely been three weeks. If you’re in pain…”

  “The meds make it so that I don’t feel anything! When I woke up the first time, it was like being in a void. My brain said I was awake, but beyond that I couldn’t sense my body. I thought I was de…” Sean choked on the word and Shane hoped for all their sakes he wouldn’t say it. “Do you know how terrifying that was?”

  Each word was louder than the last and, in his agitation, Sean was squeezing Julian beyond what had to be comfortable. Not that Julian would utter a squeak, not if that’s what his cousin needed. “I need to feel my fucking body, Shane! Even if it hurts.”

  How could he argue when that would have terrified him too? “Okay, okay, ease up before you snap your cousin in half.”

  Julian grabbed Sean’s arms, holding them in place, and shot him a dirty glare for interfering. Shane glared right back, silently reminding him that they were supposed to stand strong for Sean, not against each other. That battle of wills only last half a second before Julian relented with a tired sigh and turned his steely gaze where it belonged.

  “I’m pissed at you, Sean. Why did I…” Julian glanced over quickly, his gaze apologetic before he corrected, “Why did we have to hear about this from total strangers?”

  “Honestly? I don’t remember much of anything from the first week after the accident and when I was finally coherent enough to understand what was going on, your parents were making all the decisions.” There was a panic in Sean’s expression that Shane had never seen before and it instantly put him on alert. “They meant well, but that end of the world shit was depressing as fuck. They were talking about around the clock nurses and convalescent homes, as if they had already decided I would be completely useless. The doctors hadn’t even made that diagnosis, but there was Aunt Esther with her rosary beads and Uncle Walter with his grimace, practically burying me before my body was even cold.”

  “They love you.” That was a surprising observation considering Julian had done everything to hide his identity when they arrived just in case they ran into his parents. Shane couldn’t wait to meet them.

  “I know, Jules, but it was like they were giving up before the fight even started and when I felt myself believing it…that was scarier than not being able to feel my body.” That was the second time Sean referenced his fear, which was probably normal. Except Sean was the type who laughed in dangerous situations and Shane wasn’t sure if this acknowledgement was helping or hurting him. “I asked them to call you both, but they brushed me off. My belongings were supposedly shipped back to me from the carrier, but I haven’t seen them so no cell phone, no laptop, no way to find your numbers.”

  “The nurses wouldn’t help you track us down?”

  “Maybe, probably, my head was kind of loopy for a few days. Then Ty and Bull showed up, and promised to track you down. Did you know Bull and his husband kept me company for a few days? They’re great people. Brought me real food and even took me on a field trip.” On a dime, Sean went from angry to upset to amused, leaving Julian looking at him in wide-eyed worry. Sean might be a crazy bastard, but he wasn’t normally erratic. Was it another thing for the ‘to be expected’ column or something they needed to worry about?

  “A field trip, huh? So, you’re allowed out of this prison after all.” Shane crossed his arms and gave Sean his best ‘gotcha’ stare.

  “I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to actually keep me chained to the bed.” Completely unrepentant, Sean pointed out, “They’ve run a million tests and, beyond this little back injury, there’s nothing physically wrong with me. I don’t know how the hell that makes sense and I’m not sure they know either, but they’re running with it. I can’t get into the wheelchair on my own yet, but they’ve got a dude who helps me. Then they send me off to therapy or I go visit with the other patients—anything but sit in this cell.”

  This little back injury? Shane shared another incredulous glance with Julian. When Ty told them it wasn’t as bad as they were imagining, he thought they were trying to soften the blow. Now, he wasn’t sure if Sean was trying to downplay the situation or they were blowing it out of proportion. Considering that Sean was paralyzed; he wasn’t how sure how that was possible.

  “You’re not allowed to sit in this room because you make my nurses crazy when you wallow.” An amused voice spoke from the doorway and they all turned toward the attractive woman watching them with a curious smile. “If you weren’t the best patient we’ve ever had, you’d be a contender for the worst.”

  “Doc, I’d happily wear both titles if I could also be the patient with the shortest stay.” Despite the situation, Sean quickly ran a hand through his hair and pushed himself up a little straighter. Julian hid an amused grin as he slid off the bed to give Sean room to move and Shane found himself veering back toward encouraged.

  “Too late for that, but I’ve heard a rumor that these two are plotting your escape.” She came forward and looked down at Sean with a combination of fondness and exasperation. Wouldn’t you know it? Sean had charmed the hospital staff. “Aren’t you going to introduce us?”

  “Sure, of course. Guys, this is Doctor Lillian Mendez. Uh, the big lug is Shane and the one who thinks I can’t see him smirking is Julian.”

  Lillian’s smile was friendly as she shook both their hands. “I’ve heard all about the two of you.”

  That made Julian laugh aloud and they shared a commiserative smile. “Shocking, huh?”

  “It’s really great to see you among friends, Sean. We were worried when you barred your aunt and uncle from visiting.” When Lillian looked directly at him, Shane could see true concern in her gaze. “The other two men helped, but these are the people you trust, aren’t they?”

  “Yeah, they are.” Sean gave Lillian his best puppy dog eyes. “Sorry I worried you, Doc.”

  “No, you’re not, but you’re cute so I’ll let you get away with it.” Did the doctor just bat her lashes? Julian looked at him behind her back, eyes wide with suppressed laughter. “I know it’s late and your friends have had a long drive, but I wanted to introduce myself and set up a time tomorrow for us all to meet with the rest of your medical team. Unless I’m misunderstanding their role here?”

  “No, you’re not, and I’ll sign whatever authorizations are needed to allow you to speak to either of them about my case.”

  “I’m sure the nurse will be in with forms in the morning, but I was told your medical power of attorney was faxed over earlier today, so it shouldn’t be
an issue. Did you forget you had one?” The question sounded innocent, but the knowing smirk said otherwise.

  The puppy dog eyes were back and Sean accompanied them with a sheepish smile. “It’s been that kind of month if ya know what I mean, Doc.”

  “Yeah, I know.” And damn if she didn’t fall for it. “All right, I’ll let you visit with your friends for a little while longer. Shall we convene at ten tomorrow morning? Does that work for both of you?”

  They all agreed and were silent as they watched her leave. Only when he was sure she was out of earshot, did Shane say, “Good to know your inner horn dog is alive and well.”

  “You and me both!” Sean agreed in a stage whisper. “I was worried the old twig and berries were gonna fail me, but those brains in that pretty package are a powerful inspiration.”

  “Wait, you haven’t—” Julian made a crude hand gesture. “She’s your doctor!”

  “No, of course not. I’m not exactly mobile, Jules, but my little buddy has finally started showing signs of life.” Sean laughed a little desperately. “I’ve been sitting in on the group counseling sessions this week and realized I had no idea what it meant to have a spinal cord injury. You hear that someone’s paralyzed and feel bad that they can’t walk again, but that’s not the worst-case scenario. Everything below the injury could potentially be affected depending on how severe it is. In my case, we’re talking bladder, bowel, and sexual functions along with my legs. Sounds bad, right? Well, there’s a guy down the hall that needs a machine to breathe for him.”

  Thanks to a six-hour car ride, they both knew how far reaching these injuries could be from their research, but they remained silent and let Sean work it through. Tomorrow they could ask all their questions and find out exactly what challenges they were facing.